my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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