If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
did i walk over a car last night?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
