how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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