Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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