She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
