he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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