I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
