well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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