In the future we'll all be gay
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
