I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
