We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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