i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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