and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
