Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
