Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
