1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
