i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
