No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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