dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
