I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
