First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
