hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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