Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
