At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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