there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
