Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
