i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
