she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize