They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
