i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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