we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
