I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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