people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
