I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
