apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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