dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
