just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
