Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
