it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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