my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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