Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
