I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I stole a fireplace last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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