somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
