Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
These tits shall not be calmed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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