I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize