At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
