So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
