i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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