Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
