My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
