I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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