it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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