plz talk dirty to me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have already put on my inside pants.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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