lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
smell my finger.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
