Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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