omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
