he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
