Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
