I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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