Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
