he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
