On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
