i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
