Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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