I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
