how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
