so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
