i need an iv and a liver transplant
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
