I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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