woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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