Kareoke will never be a sober sport
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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