I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
