I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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