she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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