Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
