Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
