I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
