i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
