your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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