He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
