So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
