he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
